Rachel's Reflections

My internal pendulum swung back and forth. The peaceful rhythm brought a smile to my face. I felt great, back to my old self, with none of the negative symptoms from earlier this year. Then I woke up on Tuesday; life had thrown me a curveball. It knocked me off balance. I couldn't write my newsletter for fear that an upcoming decision would void everything. I waited for events to unfold. I needed to do something joy-filled to counterbalance the curveball and keep the pendulum swinging. I placed the curveball in God's hand and focused on editing my children's chapter book.  A harrier hawk carried me off to the African savanna where I followed the journey of a bushbaby. My characters' personalities came to life before my eyes. Scenes turned 3-D and a terrible mistake about a kingfisher's diet got fixed. Writing restored my joy pendulum.  Pendulum Clock Finding Joy to counterbalance hardships and keeping the pendulum swinging is one of the assignments from the retreat

Think of your three best friends (past or present). How did you make a connection and become friends? From what I know, a lot of people make friends through activities. Maybe doing sports together, sharing a hobby, volunteering together, going to the movies, playing games, or going on a hike. Well, that's not me. Oh sure, I've done many activities and met a lot of people that way, but I struggle to make real connections through shared activities. Let me give you an example: Macy and I attended college together for two years. We carpooled home for the holidays and went on a ministry trip to New York City together. We went to South Africa as interns. We assembled beds, painted window frames, refurbished a desk, and baked together. Despite all this, we did not connect. The friction between us was palpable. One night I broke down crying because of a family issue. I sobbed out my story to Macy. She was speechless at first. Who was this unfamiliar and emotionally vulnerable person?

My body trembled as I moved through the woods. I tried to corral my racing thoughts, paying no attention to my surroundings. I wanted to flee the trauma that had been dredged up in the seminar that morning. Emotions that I usually kept locked up in a dark closet in the recesses of my mind had been let loose. I was afraid that it would be impossible to herd them back into their closet. My physical shaking was a reaction to the inward turmoil. I was determined to reach a certain spot. I needed space. I needed quiet. I needed safety. A whiff of the surrounding woods seized my attention. I halted mid-stride as the saying "stop and smell the roses" came to mind. I breathed in the pungent, earthy aroma of moss, fallen leaves, and a nearby marsh. A chorus of crickets and frogs drifted up to me from the marsh. A gentle breeze rustled the leaves high above my head. I heard birds singing and flitting from branch to branch. I could feel the tension leaving my body. I noticed I wasn'

I got frustrated and wanted to give up. It had become harder than I had initially thought.  I had promised Mama R that I would teach her how to do it.  I had been looking forward to giving hand-made gifts to new mamas and watching their faces light up with joy.  I had already bought a lot of the needed supplies. Unfortunately, the first blanket I attempted to crochet was tiny and dense. I had not planned well.  Then, I attempted a not-so-beginner-friendly stitch... and failed. That's when I wanted to give up.  The world of crochet, however, is forgiving. Going back to square one, I practiced making a square with each different stitch. I unraveled and reworked the squares many times until they were perfect. Confident enough to move forward, I planned and prepared for my next blanket. I measured out the appropriate lengths. I chose the color scheme I wanted. Then I went to work. Baby blanket in progress At first, I had to make a few adjustments, but I am determined to succeed. I don&

Picture a group of African women sitting around talking. A shade tree protects them from the hot sun. A gentle breeze pushes sand along the ground. Kids laugh and play in the background. A baby cries. Now picture a few of the women in the group crocheting. One is crocheting a small blanket. One puts the finishing stitch on a hat. Another is halfway through a pair of tiny socks. This is my vision of the future in Pemba, Mozambique. In my first few months in Pemba, three of the ladies I knew had babies. By the end of my first year, I knew at least ten new babies and several more pregnant ladies. Each newborn is bundled up in fabric to keep it warm. I have decided to use some of my free time in the U.S. to learn how to crochet. I want to crochet baby blankets, hats, and socks. My desire is to bring this new skill back to Pemba. I want to have gifts ready for women who have had babies while I was gone. I also want to teach a few of the women how to crochet. I told Mama R what I'm doing

My time home with family, friends, and seeing a counselor has been good so far, but I still miss Pemba and the people I know there. Mama R, one of the few people I can keep in touch with from over here, laughed and talked to me for over 45 minutes on a WhatsApp call last week. She told me her dad had gone to church, which surprised me. As she explained why, my heart filled with joy. Before I left Pemba, I was able to help my local church finish the house next to the church building so that Mama R’s dad and other family members could use it temporarily. They all had to flee Moçimboa da Praia when it was attacked and overrun by the insurgents, losing almost all of their possessions but thankfully not their lives.  The pastor of that church has done a wonderful job of reaching out and connecting to Mama R’s family. Her dad has been particularly touched by the pastor and decided to attend church because of the pastor’s invitation. I pray his life will be impacted through hearing the Gospel

The thirteen year old girl was playing outside on the dusty streets of her town when they arrived. Men from the insurgent group that have been wreaking havoc in the northern part of Mozambique. They took her. Took her away from her family, away from her home, away from the town she's always known. They took her out into the bush along with six other girls from her town and fourteen other girls from a nearby village. The girl's mother has grieved her loss for days but the rest of the family decided it was better to leave the area before anything worse happens. This hurting family will arrive at one of my friend's house here in Pemba tomorrow. This same friend who is receiving these refugees tomorrow also told me what she has been learning in the audio Bible I gave her a few months ago. She told me a second audio Bible would be helpful to share with those arriving in her home. She herself has not fully grasped the truth held in God's Word, and yet she wants to share these

It's been a difficult journey. This time last year I was recovering from the trauma and after-effects of the cyclone that hit this area. I thought, at this time last year, that things would get easier after such a major natural disaster. But it has been one thing after another, steadily going downhill. I had Typhoid Fever, said goodbye to close teammates, dealt with a nasty guard situation, had a tropical storm that left us with a half-flooded, moldy house, I  lost a family friend to cancer, and  several confidential problems and challenges have come up along the way . My team and I  live in constant alert of the insurgent attacks just north of us, we were temporarily removed from Pemba because of the rumors of attacks,   and of course the worldwide Covid19 crisis that affects us all. I am so worn down that some days are a struggle to just keep going. Over a month ago a friend told me she has watched God change and grow me. She pictured me standing on a rock in an ocean wit

I wove around all the potholes that filled that section of the road as I followed my team leader's car. The city of Nampula lay hours behind us and Pemba before us. Earlier in the trip our team leader blew a tire and we stopped to fix it on the side of the road while several people from the village nearby watched or offered to help. We all had mixed emotions as we returned. Some excited to be going "home." Others apprehensive as the future is so uncertain at this point. On Friday we received the go-ahead from our AIM leadership to return to Pemba. The insurgent situation in the north of Mozambique has not improved by much, but nothing majored happened near Pemba during our time away. We were all grateful that the rumors we had heard turned out to be just that - rumors. The government of Mozambique seems to be taking more proactive measures regarding the insurgents. We all hope and pray that the situation will improve, for the sake of the people who are suffering

This weekend was rough. Made worse because of my sin. Friday evening I had an argument with someone over something ridiculous. In my pride, I could not see clearly. The conversation did not end well. When the other person came back to apologize later that night my heart was still not in the right place so I asked if we could finish the conversation the next morning. The conversation Saturday morning started off well, we were both able to communicate and clarify the misunderstandings from the night before. Unfortunately it did not end well again and I walked way from her without verbally explaining why. This hurt her and caused even worse friction. After talking to my team leader I was ready to apologize to her for walking away without verbalizing why. But I saw much sooner than I expected and I froze. Instead of doing what I knew was right, apologize, I kept my mouth shut and told myself I would apologize later. This was sin. "So whoever knows the right thing to do and

As Lauren and I drove out of Pemba, following our team leader's car, we had to pass through the area close to the recent attack that brought about our temporary departure. We were both a bit tense, but soon it was behind us and we could breath easier.  It was surreal as we drove through the Mozambican landscape. We had packed up and left within two days, trying to say goodbye to those we could. It was strange packing for a month but knowing it could become more than a month depending on the situation. It felt like a joy ride, looking at the beauty Mozambique has to offer yet feeling the sense of sadness for those we left behind. We arrived safely at the YWAM property in Nampula, the nearest city south of Pemba. All a little tired from the journey and the stress of the rapid departure, but yet we could sense a lightness we had not felt in Pemba for a while. We are trying to get settled in for the time being. Trying to make ourselves at home while longing for the return to o

"We come to the mission field with great expectations of how we will build God's church, only to have Jesus grab us, whack off some unnecessary flesh, pound us into a shape He can use, and stick us underground as one small part of the foundation (of His church). Then He covers us up with dirt. We are stunned - we came to be mighty builders. Instead, God deconstructs us and uses us to play a hidden part that others will never see or praise." Live Dead Joy devotional by Dick Brogden That quote perfectly describes what God has been doing in my life this week. But how to put flesh to the bones and truly tell you everything that has happened in my heart would be a monumental challenge. The Holy Spirit convicted me of my internal sins of skepticism and pride.  He shed a light on His Word so that I could understand it in a deeper way and that light reflected into the depth of my soul and revealed hidden shadows of the past. Finally, a fter removing those barriers and

During this pandemic it can be easy to focus on everything that is going wrong: plans that have changed, ministry that cannot go on as normal, and lives that have been affected. But I have been reminded repeatedly this week of the importance of looking up to God and trusting Him. " Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. " 1 Thessalonians 5:17 I am thankful for the steadfast love of God. I am thankful that God has answered my prayer request of being intentional and creative with my time while being under restrictions for health, safety, and prevention reasons. I am thankful I can still call people in the community to see how they are doing and maintain our relationships even though it is hard not being able to  visit them in person.  I am thankful I have still been able to study and make progress on the language, even from within my own home. I am thankful for team leaders who look out for us, do what they can for us,

"Mama R, what is the word for believe in Kimwani?" I asked her in our language lesson as we sat outside in plastic chairs. At first she didn't know, but after talking about it a bit she gave me a word. To confirm it was what I wanted I queried, "Can I use this word to say 'do you believe this will happen?'" She agreed that was correct.  "Can I use the word if I'm talking about God? For example, do you believe God created the world?" I plied further to which she affirmed again. "Can I use the word to say 'I believe in Jesus?'" I continued, because I wanted to make sure that I had the correct word for the phrases I wanted to learn that day. She replied that it was still a correct use of the word, but then she asked me what I meant. "When I say 'I believe in Jesus,' I'm always thinking about three important things: 1. Jesus is God. 2. Jesus died on the cross for my sins. 3. Jesus came back to life again

Yesterday I went to visit Mama N again (from last weeks blog) and she asked me if I saw her two older girls at our kids program last week. To be honest, there were so many kids in our yard last Saturday that it was hard to keep track of who was there. But praise God those sweet girls had indeed been there and had gone home to tell their mom everything they had learned, especially the music we had sung. The girls came over while Mama N and I talked and, grinning at me, they started singing one of the songs all on their own, a week after we had taught it to them. I joyfully joined in, gently reminding them of one or two parts they had missed. Their mother listened happily and then tried to join in the third time around.  When we finished she thanked me for teaching her children things they did not know yet. The songs were about God, the Creator and that God is Love. The story we were able to share with all of the children last week was how God created everything both visible

I sat and listened as Mama F and Mama N chatted away in Kimwani about the news. One of the news items here is about COVID-19, but it has no direct affect on the lives of the people yet, therefore news is more along the lines of the most recent attack from the terrorist group north of here, who in the neighborhood is sick with Malaria, or what the monkeys stole from the garden. Mama N changed the topic and asked Mama F for help her with her little radio. She went inside the house to get it and came out with her two month old baby who had just woken up. As Mama N fed the baby, Mama F began to look at the radio (Audio Bible in Kimwani).  Mama F showed Mama N how to get the radio back to the beginning (Matthew 1) and we started listening to the genealogy of Jesus. In the pause between chapter 1 and chapter 2, Mama F told Mama N to pay special attention when she listened to the radio so she could learn from it. I was happy to sit back and listen to Mama F share with another Mwani lady a

A simple outing to the beach to build relationships... turned into more than we bargained for. "Are you ready to go to the beach?" I asked my friend as I walked into the neighbors yard. "Almost," she replied, "I just need to finish cooking for my grandma." I smiled inwardly, this would take a while so I settled into my chair and started a conversation with Bibi. "Don't worry Rachel, pasta doesn't take long," my friend reassured me as she poured a bag of pasta into a boiling pot of water on the open fire on the veranda where we were sitting. "No problem, I'm just going to go tell Lauren you're almost ready. We still need to go pick up her friend too," I responded. 30 minutes later we left: Lauren, me, our neighbor, along with her little sister and an unplanned stop at the ATM to draw cash. Lauren pulled up near her friend's house and hopped out to get her while the three of us waited in the car. We saw them c

Walking home from my language lesson at Mama R's  house, I glanced at the neighbors house and saw that they were home and decided to stop in. As I walked in, I greeted the grandmother, Bibi A, and her granddaughter. We chatted for a few minutes and then Bibi A asked me what I had learned in my language lesson that day. I hesitatingly replied that I had been trying to read in Kimwani and showed her the Piya Vinu children's book that talks about God. "Let me see it," she said and put her hand out. I was nervous because our neighbors have appeared skeptical towards Christianity. But as she flipped through it, reading different sections, a smile grew on her face. "My son knows all of this," she stated. I was stunned. She said the name of her son and I was even more shocked. "But I know him!" I responded excitedly, "I met him last year." "He helped with all of the translations," she continued. I could hardly believe that this

The day had arrived. It was finally time! I was excited and filled with anticipation. The first person showed up, but behind him hung dark, ominous clouds and we felt the initial raindrops. Oh no, what will happen if it pours? I thought. We scrambled to move the chairs and reed mat under the car port before it started to rain.  A few minutes later my language helper's daughter, Maninha, showed up. I attempted to play a clapping/rhyme game with her while we waited for others to arrive. More people trickled in, along with the rain, but none of the three Mwani believers nor our team leader were there. I felt nervous. Should we start without them? But they were the ones who were going to lead...  We sang the one Kimwani song that we, as a team, had learned: John 14:6 set to music (and of course dancing). Everyone loved it and started to join in as they picked up the rhythm. But how often can you repeat a short chorus while waiting for people to show up? Evelyn, our leaders w

It has been a strange two weeks. Our team leaders needed to go to Kenya for training and meetings but their two boys needed to stay here for school. So what happened? Lauren and I became parents for almost two weeks. Our life consisted of: school runs, helping with homework, making meals, playing nerf war, watching movies, washing dishes, and more. It was a great way to serve the team and a good testimony in the community.  At first everyone was confused when we would drive past our own house. Or why I would walk home at night by myself. Or they would ask our house help what had happened to us because we had not been to visit people in days. But when everyone realized that we were taking care of our leaders boys they all understood. I know how much it meant to the parents to know their boys were taken care of and I know how much the community observes our lives and how we interact with one another.  The love we, as a team, are able to demonstrate to each other has direct affec

"I want to visit Mama N this afternoon," I told our house help as she was cleaning that morning. "I think she had her baby," she replied. What?!" I exclaimed, "but she didn't look big enough yet! How could she have had her baby already? I thought she still had another month. Was she early?" "I don't know, my neighbor told me she thought she saw her returning from the hospital with a baby, but I don't know for sure," she responded, "but go this afternoon and see for yourself." "Okay, I will." On the way to Mama N's house that afternoon I ran into another friend and told her where I was going.  "Oh, did you know she had her baby?" "Someone thought she did, I want to go find out." "Hodi," I called as I walked into the yard. Mama N's daughter greeted me with a grin on her face and called her mom from inside the house. We sat and went through the greetings before I b

This little blue book is wonderful. It's full of explanations and teachings about God, the Bible, and Bible stories. It's definitely written like a children's book, but I've been using it for other things. :) I use it to practice reading in Kimwani once a week with my language helper (no, I do not understand everything I read, but that's why I'm working on it). Our house help knows that I practice reading this with my language helper and she asked me on Thursday to read it to her while she was cleaning.  When I got to this page, talking about sin, she had a hard time answering the question at the bottom of the page and I had not understood it very clearly. "We're all sinners," I commented, thinking it answered the question. She responded in surprise and a nervous laugh, and told me that couldn't be the answer to the question because who wants to sin?! I realized there was a miscommunication so I decided to switch to the Portu

For months I've been praying for Mama R's salvation, but also for the salvation of her family: her husband and four kids. This past month I've prayed extra for her newborn baby. That he might have the chance to grow up in a Christian family, with parents who love the Lord and teach him to walk in God's ways. A precious baby. Innocent in the ways of the world and completely dependent on others. I gaze at him in wonder and think of Psalm 139:13-16. God formed this tiny human, knitted him together in Mama R's womb, and knows what his life will bring. He often sleeps peacefully in my arms, without a care in the world, trusting that I will hold him safe. Oh that his siblings and parents could have a similar faith in God. That they might rest peacefully in His arms, knowing that He will hold them fast. On Wednesday, his oldest brother A__ was practicing English with me while we walked to the mechanics but suddenly he changed subjects: "What is Natal?&qu

I got to hold a jellyfish this week! My team took a four-day retreat to be together, reconnect (after team leaders had been gone for 6 weeks), talk, laugh, share meals, relax, and reflect  on how God has been with each of us during the challenges that came up in 2019. We stayed in a house on the beach. Quiet, peaceful, beautiful. It was a perfect getaway from our wet, moldy houses. The last day there I took one final walk along the beach by myself. I spent some time mulling over a myriad of thoughts and talking to God about them. As I started off, I was in a weird mood. Too many thoughts, confusion, uncertainty, etc.   But as I walked, the beauty of the ocean, of creation, of God's presence wrapping around me, brought peace. I watched  waves, like green, transparent glass, break on the shore then melt back into the vast ocean spread before me.  It felt a bit like my heart. Broken a few times last year, but always pulled back, whole, into the vast ocean of God's love.

" Worthy of every song we could ever sing Worthy of all the praise we could ever bring Worthy of every breath we could ever breathe.. ." Build My Life I sang out this beautiful worship song standing next to a South African, at the same table as a friend from New Zealand, and smiling across to a young lady from China. The first Sunday of every month is always special for me. It's when the missionary and international community of believers gather to worship God. Today there were people  representing 9 different countries from around the world and multiple different languages. I always look forward to it. I always enjoy it.  It's always encouraging to me. Today it brought extra joy to my heart and a smile to my face after a long and harrowing two weeks. I sometimes forget just how significant "Celebration Sunday" (as we call it) is. I've gotten used to praising God in this multi-cultural setting. But today I was reminded how mu