Strongholds

This weekend was rough. Made worse because of my sin.

Friday evening I had an argument with someone over something ridiculous. In my pride, I could not see clearly. The conversation did not end well. When the other person came back to apologize later that night my heart was still not in the right place so I asked if we could finish the conversation the next morning.

The conversation Saturday morning started off well, we were both able to communicate and clarify the misunderstandings from the night before. Unfortunately it did not end well again and I walked way from her without verbally explaining why. This hurt her and caused even worse friction.

After talking to my team leader I was ready to apologize to her for walking away without verbalizing why. But I saw much sooner than I expected and I froze. Instead of doing what I knew was right, apologize, I kept my mouth shut and told myself I would apologize later. This was sin.

"So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin." James 4:17

Satan won a foothold which opened myself to further attack. Fear knocked on the door and I let it in. Shortly pride and self-righteousness joined, creating a stronghold.

I knew I needed to finish the conversation with the other person so we could have closure, but I was exhausted and had nothing left. I cried in fear for over an hour, shaking, trying to remind myself of truths from God's Word. I avoided her Saturday night/Sunday morning.

I knew I still needed to apologize to her but in my pride and self-righteousness I also wanted to justify myself, to protect myself. Every time I tried to form words it came out wrong. The Holy Spirit convicted me. I knew I needed to obey but I was terrified. Finally I sent a simple message of apology and in that one act of faith God opened my eyes to see my sin.

In the one act of disobedience in not apologizing the first chance God gave me I allowed Satan to gain a foothold. That foothold turned into a stronghold with fear gaining the upper hand and caused me greater hurt than the apology would have if I had simply obeyed the first time.

She responded to my message, saying she forgave me and then actually came over and gave me a big hug. A wave of release washed over me, we laughed and talked for a few minutes, bringing closure to a long ordeal.