A Lightbulb Moment

Think of your three best friends (past or present). How did you make a connection and become friends? From what I know, a lot of people make friends through activities. Maybe doing sports together, sharing a hobby, volunteering together, going to the movies, playing games, or going on a hike.

Well, that's not me. Oh sure, I've done many activities and met a lot of people that way, but I struggle to make real connections through shared activities. Let me give you an example:

Macy and I attended college together for two years. We carpooled home for the holidays and went on a ministry trip to New York City together. We went to South Africa as interns. We assembled beds, painted window frames, refurbished a desk, and baked together. Despite all this, we did not connect. The friction between us was palpable.

One night I broke down crying because of a family issue. I sobbed out my story to Macy. She was speechless at first. Who was this unfamiliar and emotionally vulnerable person? she thought.

When Macy listened to and cared about my story I felt an immediate connection with her. The barrier between us crumbled. We became best friends, sharing a bond now that neither one of us can fathom.

I knew Macy and I shared something special, but I didn't understand why until last month. One of the seminars at the retreat I attended was on Third Culture Kids. I am a Third Culture Kid (TCK) because I grew up between two cultures: raised in Kenya by American parents.

According to research, explained in the book Third Culture Kids (3rd edition), TCKs feel a connection when someone has listened to their story. Activities are more enjoyable for TCKs after a story-connection has been made. TCKs can come across as arrogant and might view others as shallow because of this core difference in how they make connections.

A lightbulb went off in my head during the seminar. No wonder I have struggled to connect with people! I think and act differently from others and don't even realize or understand why. This makes me even more thankful for friends like Macy who love me despite my differences.