Rachel's Reflections

I knew it was coming. The proposal. Geraldo had been intentional and upfront with me from the first day. He didn't want to play around with my heart or his. I didn't want to date for the fun of it either, and after two months, I knew he was the answer to my years of praying for a husband. I knew when he had the ring, too, and waited anxiously for his proposal. "Please surprise me,"  I had told him, "But good luck, because it's hard to surprise me." He tried his best, but I picked up on enough hints to figure out when he would propose. The ruse was meeting my parents halfway for a picnic on the 4th of July weekend. My mom and I planned the menu and divided it up between us.  "Let's go an hour early," Geraldo said, "and walk around before your parents get there." "Sure," I replied. Hmm, that's probably when he'll propose , I thought. I had all the food ready on time,  dressed in my best, with my fingernails painted...

The end of August felt like anguish to me. It eerily reminded me of the difficult year I had in Mozambique. Everything swirling around me, like in a cyclone, one thing after another after another, making it hard to catch my breath. Earlier this year, my spring class focused on abiding in God, surrendering to Him, stepping aside, and letting Him live His life through me. It was such a beautiful thing. Truths I had heard before finally clicked. My favorite illustration from the class was that in the storms of life, focusing on God is like sitting in the eye of a storm, watching it swirl around you but unaffected by it. The summer storm built up slowly at first. My team leaders were gone. I hosted a 5-Day Club at the end of July. Midweek, our short-term lady arrived, and I started showing her the ropes. My team leaders returned, and we buckled down on preparations for our big Back-to-School picnic. Things were getting busier, like wind levels increasing. Then, the week before the big picn...

I sat down at the high-top table in a Greek diner to eat lunch with Geraldo. It was only a few weeks into our relationship. Looking across at him, I still couldn't believe I was in a relationship with him. "Why now?" I suddenly asked him between bites of food. "If you liked me from your first day in Small Group months ago and started learning more about me, what made you finally decide now was the time to say something?" "I thought you had kids," he said. "You what?!" I said, nearly choking on my food.  "I thought you had kids," he repeated, "and I was trying to figure out what had happened to your husband. Had he died or had you gotten divorced?" I stared at him in disbelief.  "What in the world made you think I had kids!?" I finally asked him. "Do you remember the first time I came to help out at Conversation Cafe?" he asked. I nodded yes. "You were sitting at a table with some kids, playing game...

January 19 - Part 2 Wait, was I actually in a relationship? For years, I had been asking God for a husband. In fact, when I turned 18, I said, "Okay, God, I'm old enough." But year after year, I waited. Sometimes patiently, sometimes satisfied with the life around me, but some days lacking contentment, not even knowing what it felt like to be in an official relationship.  After leaving Geraldo in the church parking lot,  I drove to the refugee home I had promised to visit, but I barely focused.   I couldn't believe I was in a relationship. As soon as I got back in my car after the refugee visit, I called my friend Sarah. "Are you home?" I asked her. I needed to rehash everything with her to verify whether it was real or not. What if I had misunderstood what Geraldo had said? He hadn't said anything about a relationship, or dating, or called me his girlfriend, or what was next, or when we would see each other again. "Yes, I'm home," Sarah re...

January 19 - Part 1 When I woke up the next morning after seeing Geraldo for the second time at the coffee shop, I continued with life as normal. It was Sunday, so I went to the 9:30 service at my church, as always. I sat in the same spot, as always. I saw Geraldo talking to someone in the foyer, but I made my way to my Sunday school class (Catalyst), as always. I was early to Catalyst, so I picked a seat between two girls to talk with them before the class started. Suddenly, my phone rang. It was Geraldo. I almost didn't answer my phone. I didn't want to. I don't know what compelled me to do it, but I answered. "Where are you?" he asked.  "In Catalyst," I replied. "Is that the class that guy invited me to?" "Yes," "I don't know where that is," he said, but I could hear it in his voice. He wanted to come, he wanted to see me, but he didn't know where the classroom was. I closed my eyes and sighed, "It's okay...

"Rachel, there was a new guy at Small Group last night!" Lydia told me the first week of October. "You should meet him!" "We'll see," I said with a shrug. I had given up on guys at that point. I had liked a guy months before who had just played with my heart. I had tried online dating but quit after two months. I decided that if God wanted me married, He'd have to throw someone in my lap. I wasn't going out of my way or holding out any wishful thinking anymore. I'd stay focused on ministry for the time being.  When I met Geraldo at Small Group the next week, I didn't pay much attention. He seemed like a nice enough addition to our Bible study group, solid in his faith in a lot of ways, but he said one thing I disagreed with about the prosperity gospel and Benny Hinn, so I wrote him off and carried on with life. Three months passed. Occasionally, Lydia would tease me about him, but I always told her I wasn't interested in him because...