God's Backward Oreo

"I feel like God made you an Oreo, only a backwards Oreo." I knit my eyebrow trying to follow my mom's line of thinking as I listened to her voice note. "He's got cream on two sides and the hard cookie in the middle," she continued, "As in, you're standing in the blueberry patch on Saturday just talking with Dad and suddenly this lady goes, 'Hey, I want to get your newsletter.' I mean, wow, cream, sweet cream. And then... a hard cookie."

I laughed a bit sardonically as I realized where she was going, "There's a lot more layers to the 'Oreo' than that this week!" I replied. I was having a weird week and wasn't sure how to feel about it. Yes, God had given me several moments of sweet, delicious cream, but those moments of cream had been broken up by more than one hard thing. On Thursday, listening to my mom's message, I couldn't decide if the cream outweighed the hard or if the hard outweighed the cream. Then Friday came... but let's start at the beginning.

Cream Layer #1: I stood by a bush picking blueberries with my dad Saturday morning. I was in West Michigan for the weekend support-raising. "How is your support-raising going, Rachel?" my dad asked me. I told him I felt stuck and started sharing more when someone interrupted me. 

"Excuse me," a lady a few bushes away said, "I couldn't help but overhear your conversation. What do you do?" I told her briefly and she said, "I want to get your newsletters." I got her contact info and we talked a bit more before each going back to our blueberry picking. The realization slowly sunk in. God saw me, knew my predicament, and sent a random lady to me in a blueberry patch to encourage me. So, why was I worried about my support-raising? 

Hard Layer #1: Then, Saturday night, I spoke with someone else. She informed me of a situation that could result in the loss of 10% of my current support base. My heart sank. That would be a hard hit in the middle of already trying to raise more support.

Cream Layer #2: On Sunday morning I gave a presentation to a church that is considering supporting me. The presentation went well. While I have to wait to hear back from them on their official decision, a conversation with one of the members in particular felt like such a God thing. 

Hard Layer #2: On Tuesday, I realized that my car is having more issues that need to be addressed. I groaned. I've taken this car to the mechanic too many times to count in the last nine months. I don't want to keep dealing with it. My stress levels were rising.

Cream Layer #3: My mom called on Wednesday. "How do you feel about Marquette?" Umm, in what context? "There's a church up there looking for a young person to support in ministry and my friend asked me if I knew anyone." I couldn't believe my ears. Marquette is not the closest, but God's timing couldn't be better. Even if it doesn't go through, what a blatant reminder that God owns the cattle on a thousand hills.

Hard Layer #3: I talked to an org that helps people in ministry find cars. We talked about a potential trade-in for my car, but when I found out the paltry amount they would give me for my car in comparison to the amount a more reliable car would cost me, I almost panicked. How in the world would I be able to afford that!? I'm already struggling financially, I'm trying to raise more, and I might be losing a part of my current support. I felt a terrible headache coming on.

Cream Layer #4: I didn't want to wake up Friday morning. I didn't want to face the real world. I just wanted to sleep. This was the third time my old depression had tugged at me in the last few days, but I refused to give in. I forced myself to get up, to keep going. I sat down in my comfy chair to do my devotions and read Psalm 34:1 "I will bless the Lord at all times, His praise shall continually be in my mouth." Can I praise God even in difficult circumstances? I asked myself. Can I say God is good, even if things don't work out or go the way I hope or expect them to? Yes. I will choose to say that God is good regardless of what happens.

That very second, my phone buzzed. A friend had texted to say she and her husband wanted to support me for $50 a month. I almost cried.

God didn't have to do that for me. I had just said I would praise Him no matter what. I meant it. Yet, here He was, reminding again that He sees me, He cares about me, and He is able to provide for me through His people.

Despite the hard things this past week, the cream-filled moments of my week have far outweighed them. The thing is, I still don't know how everything will work out. But I know that God is good. And I will continue to trust Him.

I've had the song Promises stuck in my head all week. Especially the phrase "Great is Your faithfulness to me, from the rising sun to the setting same, I will praise Your name." He is worthy of praise.