Rachel's Reflections

Why do I doubt and worry and stress? Because life can seem stressful at times, especially when it came to car and insurance shopping this past week. I know intellectually that God is faithful, yet I revealed my doubt in Him by stressing myself out with worry. I found out, it was completely unnecessary. My brother has been gracious enough to let me use his car while he finished his last year of college, but he graduates in a few weeks. My time to shop for a car was running short. What could I even afford in this current, inflated market? I stressed out about it last week. Then a gentleman from my new church called on Saturday, "I found a great car for you. A 2010 Subaru Forester in great condition and within your price range. You can go test drive it this afternoon." I felt elated! I even laughed on my way to look at the car. I had joked with my dad weeks ago that a Subaru would be a nice size (not too big and not too small for the ministry) but the chances of that happening w...

Tears streamed down my face and my body shook. I thought I was past all this. When was the last time I had one of these reactions? I didn't even realize I had trauma in this area to react to. Okay, I knew something was there, but I had never faced those feelings full-on before. What was the cause of this emotional turmoil? In one word: Church. I haven't had a real church family in a while now. I've been crying out to God about this, begging Him to give me community, a Christian fellowship, but He didn't answer my prayers. I tried small group after Bible study after book study and they kept falling through or not fitting quite right. Finally, when I started feeling settled in a church and in a small group, I knew it was only temporary because I would be moving to Metro Detroit and have to start all over again. Now that I'm in Metro Detroit for ministry, my first priority is on finding a church family to plug into. But that's the trigger point. Coincidentally, (as...

What was wrong with me? Why was I feeling this way? I lay awake in bed, eyes open, but seeing nothing because of the blackness of the night around me. "Something's wrong," I muttered. The next day I messaged my friend. "K-tee, I feel like something is wrong, or missing in my life... 😕 I feel weird, in a mood. Last night I almost wondered if there's something between me and God, or just lacking in my walk with Him..." Where was the evidence for this? What proof did I have to back up this feeling? Didn't I do my devotions every day? Hadn't I been praying? Wasn't I seeking to live in obedience to Him by leaving Mozambique and preparing to move to Detroit? The biggest evidence showed in my support raising, or rather, recent lack thereof. At first, I blamed this recent lack of effort in support raising on the jetlag from my trip to Mozambique. A seven-hour time difference, two days of travel, little sleep, and a jump from summer to winter is challeng...

I felt like Santa Claus during my first week back in Mozambique. I had packed a 48-pound suitcase full of gifts for my teammates and friends. I had fun handing them out and seeing the look of joy on their faces. I also gave away a lot of my stuff that I knew I wouldn't have space to bring back. Random odds and ends that I could bless my teammates with. Outwardly, it felt good to bless others because internally I was wrestling with a lot of emotions, questioning everything. Why did I have to leave this place? Why did I have to say goodbye to all these wonderful people? Why do I have to move to Detroit? While God didn't answer my questions, He reminded me to trust Him. This is the path He has me on right now. So I treasured each precious moment that He allowed me to have in Mozambique. I stayed with teammates Bruna and Vinicius for the first two weeks. I'm thankful for their warmth and hospitality despite the many challenges they were facing at the time. Small Group was one o...