Warfare

Which is worse? An all out war with guns blazing and bombs dropping on the other side of the world? Or the instigators of a nearby attack sending out a video of a mutilated person to spread fear? Or a sneak attack by the Enemy in your own heart?

I drove up to Pemba on Thursday to renew my visa. I only heard about the attack on Ukraine late in the day. That same evening I heard of a new, brutal attack north of here. Both news items are serious and I feel for those who have been impacted. This week God also shone a light on a sneak attack that occurred within my own heart. 

The smaller dog followed me as I turned the lights on outside. Sweet Canela, she just wanted to play. Excited, she wriggled her back end for lack of a tail and jumped around me. Unfortunately, her claw snagged my arm and drew blood.

Later, after having a good conversation with my counselor, I looked down at the scratch. How pretty the red mark looked against my pale, white skin. You could start cutting yourself, a thought whispered, as a means of relief from the problems and frustrations weighing you down. You could blame the marks on the dogs and no one would know.

I felt shame. How could I think such a thing?! It's not okay, neither would it solve anything! I immediately messaged a friend but struggled to tell anyone else for days. When I eventually told my counselor on Monday she seemed surprised. "I didn't notice anything off when we talked last time." Probing further she asked if I thought it was a spiritual attack.

I didn't know how to answer at first. I told her I think it's both a result of frustrations and a spiritual attack because of the nature of my ministry. With great difficulty I managed to confess my struggle to my teammates on Wednesday. I asked for prayer, especially in light of the spiritual battle we are in for the souls of the lost. I felt freedom in the confession and comfort from their prayers.

Right now, I'm happy to be visiting Pemba to renew my visa. After the Mwani fellowship today I asked one of the believers if he thought it difficult to share the Good News with the Mwani people in his neighborhood. "No, it's not difficult, we just have to pray," he replied. What a simple, yet bold statement. He knows the ministry is dependent on the Lord.

To those of you who stand with me in prayer, you are a vital part of this ministry. The Mwani people will not be reached without prayer. Now is the time to pray. Pray for the Mwani people. Pray for strength and dependence on the Lord for those of us who work with them. Pray for God to be glorified.