The Taboo Subject

Sex. We often skirt around the subject in Christian circles. Not talking openly about it. If it's ever hinted at, it's either about rules surrounding the topic or pointing at the sin out there in the world. It's a sacred thing, to be sure. A gift given by God to be enjoyed between a husband and wife. It should not be treated lightly or played around with. 

I mentioned in a previous blog that Geraldo made it clear on day one of our relationship that we were not going to have sex before we got married. I appreciated hearing his candor and commitment at the time. Despite hearing him, though, doubts have often played games in my head, partially because of how different we were raised.

I was raised in what people call "the purity culture," with its rules of no kissing before you get married and courting being better than dating. Geraldo, on the other hand, wasn't saved until he was around 18. He didn't grow up hearing the rules I did. After becoming a Christian, he learned that God's design for sex is strictly between a husband and wife in marriage. So, that's what he's committed to. No sex before marriage.

Geraldo has often been dumbfounded by the extrabiblical rules I grew up with. I, on the other hand, have vacillated between appreciating his commitment to purity in our relationship and doubting him. Appreciation because I've been amazed and grateful time and time again at how strong his commitment is. Doubt because of not understanding how his conviction could stay so strong. It's baffled me for months.

Driving home the other night, I felt baffled again. "How is he able to control his desires so well!?" I asked myself. I grew up with the unspoken understanding that guys can't control themselves. Alone with a girl, woops, he couldn't help it. That's what all those rules taught me. I had to guard myself, my surroundings, and my attire because guys can't control their desires. 

Geraldo didn't fit the boxes I had in my head. "God," I wrote in my journal when I got home, "If there's something there that I'm missing, please, reveal it to me. About Geraldo. I don't think there is, but my mind is overthinking." A worry nagged me. A subject that had come up in my class earlier that day. Thankfully, God answered my prayer the very next morning. 

When I opened my Bible app to do my devotions, the verse of the day said, "Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires," Galatians 5:24. The dots finally connected! Geraldo has crucified his fleshly desires and passions, submitting them to the control of the Holy Spirit. Geraldo isn't able to control himself. It's the Holy Spirit in Geraldo controlling him. Geraldo isn't perfect. Neither am I. We have felt the strong pull of temptation many times, but it's the Holy Spirit in us that reminds us of our commitment to God's way and holds us in check.

When I asked God year after year for a husband who loves God with his whole heart, God heard me. I'm blessed and thank God for Geraldo every day. Even when I read the first draft of this blog to Geraldo, he was quick to point out that the emphasis was in the wrong spot, "I'm nothing," he said, "Give God all the glory. Without Him, I'm doing nothing." So I've had to change the wording.

Yes, Geraldo's right, it's all God. When we align our hearts with His heart, everything else falls into place. Sometimes life can be complicated and confusing. While all those rules I grew up hearing were well-intended to safeguard young people, for me, they became more about people pleasing and driven by fear rather than about seeking God's heart. This year, I've had to work through a lot, going back to the basics. What does God's Word say? What's the bottom line?

The context for that verse of the day I read (Galatians 5:16-26) contrasts the desires of the flesh and walking by the Spirit. If we walk in step with the Spirit, we crucify our selfish desires. Although the pull of this world is strong, God is stronger. There is no temptation we face that God can't help us through (1 Corinthians 10:13). Always, when faced with temptation, our love and submission to Jesus Christ is the first thing that should come to mind. When it becomes about a list of rules and not the heart of the matter, our hearts drift far from God, so that, while we might be following the letter of the law, we can still break the heart of God.

So the bottom line is no sex outside of a marriage between one man and one woman. Any temptation outside of that must be surrendered to God. Only He can control it. Geraldo and I have both had to surrender our wills to God's will. I'm so thankful Geraldo and I are on the same page in this regard. I'm thankful that, no matter the temptation, God is stronger. I owe everything to Him for giving me the patience to wait year after year for a husband, for giving me a man whose heart is surrendered to Him, for teaching me the lessons He wants me to learn, for keeping me humble, and for keeping my steps aligned with His Word. In Geraldo's words, "Without Christ Jesus, I am nothing."