The Inside Scoop

November 21, 2022

How to write down something I don't fully grasp myself? How to explain something to others that's so hard to explain? Well, I'll give it a try.

In Nampula last year, I wrote in my prayer journal, "[God] I want to follow You, wherever You would lead me. If it means back to the U.S., I will go. If it means to harder times, give me the strength to stand it... I want to live in Your will..."

I've never desired to live in the United States. Maybe because I've spent almost half my life in Africa. I was born and raised in Kenya, interned in South Africa, and worked full-time as a missionary in Mozambique. Why would I want to live in the U.S.? It gets cold. It's harder to live a consistent Christian life. So in July, when I sensed God asking me to stay in the U.S., I balked at the idea. I loved Mozambique, loved all the people I'd gotten to know there, loved the work I got to do, loved my teammates. Why would I leave all that? What would I do in the U.S.?

For three weeks I wrestled and prayed over the idea. "But God, why?" I would ask. I knew I would obey God's leading, but I wanted to understand it. One day, I asked every question running around in my head. What about this? What about that? Every time I asked God a question, Proverbs 3:5-6 surfaced in my mind. Trust God, don't lean on your own understanding, acknowledge Him, and He'll direct. Okay, God, but what about this? Proverbs 3:5-6. Okay, but what about that? Proverbs 3:5-6. You'd think I'd learn after two or three times of this, but no, I carried on throughout the day. I asked question after question. The only answer I got, every single time, was Proverbs 3:5-6.

Alright, so I couldn't understand it. I had to trust, in faith, that God had a reason. I thought back to a conversation I'd had with a friend only a few weeks before this started. I'd told her that I knew God didn't want me in Mozambique long-term and we talked about why. I thought, at that time, that I'd still be returning to Mozambique in January. That I'd be there for at least a few more years. I hadn't thought that only a few weeks from then, all that would change.

It didn't make sense, but after everything I went through in Mozambique, how could I go back if God didn't want me to? How could I face refugee ministry from ongoing terrorist attacks on my own without the backing of the Holy Spirit? Long story short, after weeks of praying, talking with my organization (Africa Inland Mission), and so many little confirmations, I made the decision not to go back to Mozambique.

What were some of those little confirmations? The timing of an AIM retreat, being placed in just the right small group, and reconnecting with the person who taught me years ago to always be where God wanted me to be.

So, I'm in the U.S. for the foreseeable future. I'm still with AIM and still have a heart and passion for Unreached People Groups. I've finally decided on my new ministry location and will be sending out more details in my newsletter next week. If you don't receive those and would like to, click here: Newsletter Signup.